Why Should Parents stop Comparing Children to others in Education and other Things?
Perils of comparing children: How badly it impacts their learning abilities?
Children absorb everything around their immediate environment. They are equally sensitive to comparisons being made at home or at school. Keeping this sensitively in mind it is important to understand the impact it has on the ability to learn. Once you stop comparing the child with others, it will improve the relations and also educating will be a more meaningful process. It will also support the normal development of the child. At Siddhartha Public School, Hyderabad the teachers take care of this aspect in every interaction with the students.
This blog stresses on the importance of not comparing children. While it is quite normal for a parent to encourage excellence, putting pressure is harmful.
Negative impacts of Comparisons:
- The biggest impact is lowered self-confidence and esteem and affects mental health
- The pressure stresses the child to perform. The burden to impress will make them miserable
- Comparision questions the child’s ability to study and perform.
- The parent also looks at others with envy
- Constant comparision results in resentment and jealousy
- The child may withdraw into a shell. They distant themselves from parents too
Comparenting is Not Good:
It is imperative to believe that each child is special. Follow the Fred Roger mindset that each one is a unicorn. Every parent has to accept the concept of originality and individuality in the child. Two siblings may not be the same in their ability to learn or perform. If you notice that ‘comparenting’ sneaks in when two kids are eating on the dining table: one is slow and the other is fast. Or look at the way the uniform is worn or ability to remember the multiplication table. Often conversations with others also reveal this ‘not so good habit.’ The above chart simply illustrates the negative impacts which may last a lifetime. When you understand the importance of not comparing children it helps them to adjust better to their environment.
What does a Child understand through Comparisons?
The message that a child gets makes all the difference. While to the child who is being complimented, it is a great feeling, try to grasp the emotional feelings of the one who feels short-charged. Children pick up positive or negative energies of their parents. They clearly understand when one child is praised and there is no mention of the other. It hurts when one sibling evokes resentment unknowingly because a parent chooses to downplay the other one.
Solution: Parents should be aware and conscious of the impact of comparison to the child. A child who is withdrawn will be perceived with low energy and be neglected. Quietness in children is a sign of danger. When parents speak of their children to teachers and other adults ensure that siblings are praised in equal measure.
Healthy Parenting Plan:
Ultimately, the negative influences impact the ability of a child to learn at school and also in reality. It is up to the parents to provide a healthy structure where each child feels important. A boy should not get away by staying up late nor his sister have restrictions that make her feel she is any less. Parents should recognize the strengths of each child and ensure that comparison does not creep in. Raising children without comparisons is tough but making an attempt to set rules is critical. Focus more on accomplishments rather than the faults.
PS: Teach them to understand that it is okay to be weak at times.